I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
