HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
