Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
