she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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