So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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