mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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