I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
