My friends, they love my intelligence
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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