They should really pass out barf bags in church
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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