i need an iv and a liver transplant
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
