It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
