Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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