My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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