I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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