$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
