3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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