Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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