I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
