i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
