Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
