my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
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I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
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The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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