I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
