If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Be still, my beating vagina.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
