glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
