Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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