it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
