I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
