Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
