Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Couch. On fire.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
