i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
