epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
