so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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