you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
