conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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