if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
