my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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