You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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