new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
