I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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