I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
