I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
