How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
