I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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