We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
