I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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