I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
