I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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