You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
