Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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