I skipped work to stalk him.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I am one with the molecules
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
