So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
