Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
