Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
