the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
