Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
