i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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