I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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