u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
