Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
