btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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