i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
