They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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