i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
