why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You smell like a Billy Joel song
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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