just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
