Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
