Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I bet he comes in French.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
