dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
