who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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