she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm like, not good at living.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize