yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
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It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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