new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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