My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
