they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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