I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
