6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
