He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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