i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
