you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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