Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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