I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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