Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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